Yet Another Awful Tragedy

News reports are emerging suggesting that an employee in a BP office building accidentally spilled a cup of coffee this evening.

Much of the island nation's population is missing and presumed drowned.

BP executives hurried to say "We feel terrible about this regrettable accident, but we assure England. Scotland, and Wales that we will make everything right." Asked about the volume of the spill, an unnamed source explained that "We cannot estimate the size of the cup at this time, but we are working under the assumption that it was a standard 12-ounce (355 ml) mug.

Residents of Ireland and France have been warned to expect plumes of coffee to start washing ashore as early as late morning tomorrow.

An international effort has started to ameliorate the vast flood of dark, bitter liquid. "All known stores of powdered and liquid creamer are being mobilized," according to one government official, "and air tankers are flying in from a number developed nations."

Followup, Thurs. June 10: Apparently, this has been going around for a while.