E-Mails From An A-Hole

I participate in a discussion group with some of my old high school classmates; mostly politics, but other stuff too, from time to time. Earlier, one of the posted a link to the site E-mails from an Asshole. Said A-hole lures in unsuspecting victims on Craig's list who are seeking goods and services with a polite response offering whatever the victim is looking for... then runs the exchange off the rails. USB, who posted the link, later pointed to "Operation: Soccer Escort" as a favorite. I agree.

Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!

From Me to ************@comcast.net

Good afternoon.

My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

Sincerely,

Mike Partlow

So far, so good, right? The bait has been taken, time to reel in the catch...

From Kate ******** to Me

Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

- Kate

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

I have just included the beginning of the craziness; you'll have to click over to read the rest, including a shining endorsement from a "previous customer." This is definitely going into my RSS humor folder.