Doing Great, Thanks. Haven't Read the News Yet.

That was my response to someone earlier when they greeted me with, "Hey Lockwood! How's it going?"

Well, now I have. Here's the gist: "OMG! It's a holiday! People get drunk and do dumb things and die!" We have car accidents, and drownings, kid falls out of a second story window at a party and dies (don't think C2H5OH was implicated in that one). I expect I'll hear about a few cases of ding-a-lings trying to light their barbeques with gasoline, but they'll most likely be in burn units, not in morgues; they'll just be wishing they were in morgues. I can't wait 'til tomorrow afternoon when we get the body count.

I had forgotten that this is what constitutes news on Memorial Day, July 4, and Labor Day. Thanks media. I feel ever so much better informed now. I'm pleased and proud to know that you regard me, the consumer of your product, as an emotional vampire who wants nothing so much as to feed off the sorrow and suffering of those who have lost so much, on a weekend that should have been happy and carefree.

Thanks ever so much.