When The Monster Attacks

... this is the planned schedule for the commander-in-chief.

President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
Many of the Onion's pieces are sort of one-joke constructions, played out too long. I most often get the best laugh from the headline; the actual article is just tedious. But sometimes the sillyness of the premise is enhanced by drawing it out. This is a good example. Here is another I posted a few months back.