Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue
the development of strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To
this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
slowly squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.
That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner
gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the
blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of
competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier,
or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness,
but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way,
the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack
it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2
pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this"grant money." I have
set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we
will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
Is This Your Hat?
10 years ago
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing that story! I really needed a good laugh today and here it came! :-D
I've been sharing this with everyone at my favorite coffee shop and everyone's been getting a chuckle out of it- glad you enjoyed it too!
Survival of the Chocalatiest?
well... chocalaty things don't survive around me very long. And the Chocalatiest things' survival time is very short indeed.
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