What exactly I did that "appears to have exhibited automated behavior" is ever-so-helpfully unaddressed, but the real assholiness appears when I clicked the "Unlock my account button."
No e-mail option. In fact, NO other option than entering a phone number. Entering "I don't have a phone" doesn't work, because it has the "incorrect number of digits." Furthermore, if I DID have a phone, I most certainly would not be posting it online to some god-damned bot which appears to be exhibiting automated behavior. "We will not store your phone number." Oh, yeah, and there's that bridge in Brooklyn you might want to buy some stock in. What a pain in the fracking butt.