Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Some Twitter Stuff Yesterday

As I'm wont to do on occasion, I went on a Twitter tear yesterday. It started with this:
I had seen this quoted on a couple of my liberal politics blogs, rolled my eyes, and moved on. But Imani ABL caught it and responded:
Then Dr. Skyskull, bless him, posted the trigger:
Okay, so when a potential hashtag like #ConservativePillowTalk is dangled in front of me, I'll take it, hook, line, and sinker.
Then a couple more, in rapid succession:
And for the remainder (all mine), I'll just copy the text.
  •  "Who needs Viagra? I have an AR-15."
  • "Not tonight, honey. I want to work on the tax deductions."
  • "I hate how gay marriage causes premature ejaculation. It's ruining my marriage."
  •  "Ladies, just lean back, think about the Gadsden Flag, and do it for 'Murca."
  • "Here's a thought to get your motor running: Dozens of hacked nude photos from phones of male GOP politicians."
  • "Maybe we could just hire a couple of illegals to do this for us, so we don't have to pay minimum wage."
  • "Sorry... what? I dozed off."
  • "Say WHAT!? I thought "oral sex" was *talking* about it."
  • "Lights out, night only, because those *parts* are so icky, can't bear to see them.
  • Sad news for Russia's zero-G sex study: The geckos are stone-cold dead. [A tidbit of actual news that seemed humorously appropriate for this hashtag.]
  • "What do you mean, 'toys,' dear? Like Hot Wheels and cap guns?"
[Followup, 5:17 PM, 9/2- I'm essentially done with this hashtag, but another just occurred to me and I can't let it disappear; it's too good. One female Republican to another: "Just between you and me, I'm into anal. I have sex with assholes all the time."]
Also, a couple of us tried to figure out how we should be responding to ISIS. This is because John McCain knows Obama should be doing *something.* (Again, for time's sake, just copying texts.)
  • Me: We should do some undefined *something* about ISIS. I suggest scattering a million tons of individually wrapped chocolates on the area.
  • That would distract them for a while.
  • Unfortunately, I guess that would only empower the dreaded military-confectionery complex.
  • MGHydro: The Pentagon counters with a million tons of individually wrapped bombs. Compromise? Chocolate coated bomblets?
  • Me: Chocolate-coated peanut cluster bombs!
  • MGHydro: Giant (and I mean GIANT) caramel popcorn balls.
  • MGHydro: Peanut Bunker-Buster® Parfait (co-sponsored by Dairy Queen)
  • Me: A Cracker Jack (TM) aerial campaign.
  • Me: Seriously, if we could pull this off, ISIS would be so bloated and obese, they wouldn't want to make any further efforts.
  • Me: STAHP! USA, enough already! STAAAAHP!
  • MGHydro: Gotta play the long game: an entire generation w type-2 diabetes. Coca Cola was just our first salvo…
So there you have it. domestic and foreign policy both taken care of in an afternoon.

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