However, I did want to archive today's Twitter tear in a place where I could find it, and others could enjoy it too. So without further ado, "Pacific Northwest Survival Tips:"
- We divide our fresh water into three categories: ground water, surface water & air water: water that is currently falling.
- The outdoors is there to enjoy. Careful though. It will chew you up and spit you out dead if you don't use common sense.
- Be careful. We're coffee snobs. But you already knew that, right?
- We still support and have small independent bookstores. Yeah, we're retro like that.
- Newcomers have about a one month grace period to learn correct pronunciation of names. Except Orygun. No grace on that one.
- We don't believe the world will end in 2012. We believe world went into an endless coma in 1980 when Reagan was elected.
- If anyplace in the US moves to metric, it will be PNW snow reports. Because snow amounts near 1000 inches are just silly.
- Yes, walking around in shorts, tee shirt and flipflops is possible in winter, and will get you looks. Contemptuous ones.
- If we had a state gastropod, it would be the banana slug.
- People here do weird things just to be different. Like anywhere else. Unlike other places, we don't make a fuss about it.
- Contrary to widespread belief, "The Earthquake Forecast" is not part of the evening news. But we're working on it.
- Bend has grown enormously, from small town nearly impossible to get through to large city nearly impossible to get through
- Salem is known for the golden pioneer on the State Capitol building. And not much else.
- Reasons we tell CA they can't have our water: agriculture, salmon, hydropower. Real reason: craft beer.
- Recently, a healthy population of moderate Republicans was discovered here, to much astonishment. Please don't disturb them
- "Drain Oregon" is a town, not a demand. Likewise, "Boring Oregon" is not a description.
- *Real* hipsters just *say* they hang out in Portland so the would-be hipsters can't find them.
- You can tell it's spring in Corvallis when the fragrance from the dairy barns overwhelms that of the flowers.
- The spirit of the sixties didn't die. It retired to Eugene.
- Roads can be narrow and rudimentary on the east side, because sand people always drive single file to hide their numbers.
- We actually *do* have real winters here, but we keep it in mountains and out of most peoples' ways.
- We're actually quite sanguine about all our volcanoes. Don't expect them to erupt, but looking forward to show if they do.
- A gift idea for a west side child that guarantees endless frustration? A telescope.
- Do not tell a PNW woman how to manage her reproductive health. She'll sic her bear on you.
- Another true fact: People on the east side sometimes get a malady called "sunburn." West side doctors frequently misdiagnose it.
- True fact: 2/3 of PNW is much drier than the midwest. We call it "the east side," and most people have never heard of it.
- When we refer to "undesirable immigrants," we're not talking about our respected Latino workers, but Californians.
- Half the traffic is enormous SUV's, trucks and Hummers. Other half is hybrids. Go figure.
- Ignore the frequent liberal fads. They'll inevitably fade away in a few decades. Or not.
- Hazelnuts and filberts are the same thing, but damned if I can ever remember which name we're "supposed" to use here.
- That freakishly bright orb in the sky? That's the sun. Yeah, it *is* weird.
- We're the largest exporter of waterfall photos in the world.
- Our "cities" would mostly be considered "towns" elsewhere. And we like that.
- That's not black paint in the older apt you're checking out. It's mold.
- OR state rock is thunderegg, but ought to be basalt.
- Learn to use a map. GPS is Darwinism in action. It *will* try to kill you in remote areas.
- Traveling to coast during winter, watch for fish. When you see them, you're there.
- Do not tease the scrub jays. They will remember you, and make you sorry you're alive.
- If you're from another part of the country, you won't like it here. Really. Take my word for it.
- Don't blink during summer time, or you'll miss it.
- Harumphing about people carrying umbrellas for our light drizzle misses the point: umbrellas *ensure* it's only light rain.
- Don't face eastward too long, or your left side will get all mossy, and you'll sprout ferns there.
2 comments:
Great to read a post from you again! Take care
Welcome back! I've been checking the blog every few days since October 28, 2011!
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