Wednesday, October 12, 2011


Many years ago, Omni Magazine ran a reader contest for best (i.e. funniest) misquote. I split my sides reading the resulting entries, but lost my copy of that issue, and have not been able to find it online anywhere. Today in honor of that long-lost genius, I started posting some of them on Twitter then just kept going. For archival purposes, here is the list thus far. Items I know I first saw in Omni are marked (O), and some have been around for years. Most were freshly half-baked this afternoon.
  • Asking Peter to pay Paul 
  • A waist is a terrible thing to mind. 
  • Every cloud has a soggy liner. 
  • Don't look a gift horse in the ear. 
  • 87 years ago, our four fathers bought a fourth country... 
  • When in the curse of human events... 
  • Beggars can't be boozers 
  • Smart as a peacock (O)
  • Angry as a hatter (O?)
  • A man who lives in a glass house should not throw orgies. 
  • An apple a day will get you kicked out of Eden right quick. 
  • A penny saved is still just a penny.
  • One if by lan, two if by C 
  • She's the cantaloupe of my eye 
  • Romeo! Romeo! Why fartest thou, Romeo?
  • A bird in the pan is worth two in the fridge 
  • Time and tide will turn eventually 
  • An object in motion will remain in motion in an equal and opposite direction. 
  • Wife-eye hot zone
  • 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy 
  • The road to hell was paved with the best inventions 
  • RT @eruptionsblog @lockwooddewitt Man, you really need to get all your horses in a row. 
  • Eyeplastics (O)
  • Toothglue (O)
  • A rolling stone gathers no wool.
  • Half of one, six dozen of the other.  (O)
  • To be or not to be, those are the parameters. (O, grand prize winner)
Language is so much fun!

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