Showing posts with label puns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label puns. Show all posts

Thursday, December 13, 2012

#ObscureGeoHazards

 This hashtag game occurred to me last night in the aftermath of a canvalanche...
  • Canvalanche- when your pile of empties gets oversteepened, and collapses, sweeping everything in its path away
  • Derbis fowl: 20 minutes of hurried writing, followed by an hour of exasperated editing.
  • Hallar - volcanic debris flow in Appalachia
  • Earthquack - disaster associated with enormous waterfowl.
  • Tsugami- Japanese art form involving folding the ocean, often leading to nasty side effects.
  • Volgina- source of queefs.
  • Escrapment- danger from poop taken off a cliff falling onto passers-by below.
  • Volcanic erection- geologist with blue balls.
  • Kart topography- food vendors that distract and capture unwary pedestrians.
  • Dessication fissures- piscivores in a drought.
  • Creep- freaky dude who totally disrupts any foundation for belief in basic decency of humanity.
  • Vulgarite- a really, really rude rock.
  • Foold- disaster following an area's being inundated with idiots.
  • Sizemic risk- consequence of too much rich, high-calorie consumption during Holiday season.
  • Geophysical- damage to an area or region from a really awful Olivia Newton-John song.
  • PailO'Seismology- earthquakes in a bucket! Fun for the whole family!
  • Disorientation- the state of being somewhere other than central eastern Asia.
  • Hoar frost- I'm not even gonna touch that one.
  • Nuée aldente- an explosion of flavor as perfectly cooked pasta enters your mouth.
  • Storm serge- results in large areas being drowned in fabric.
  • Flash food- reactions between condiments and meal, with ensuing explosions and/or fireballs. Sriracha is often a factor.
  • RT @theburntcity Gasperititis can be part of the Flash Food especially when dealing with unknown or unexpected flavors and textures.
  • Liquifaction- the party that believes it should keeps its demands fluid.
  • Trans-gendered faults- for heteros, the problems you have with your significant other.
  • Induction Zones- military recruitment offices.
  • Volganic- eruptions involving no artificial fertilizers or pesticides.
  • Fissile- rock record of previously-existing life, mounted on a rocket, and armed with a nuclear weapon.
  • Rock hammered- "Don't even ask. I've been drinking with geologists."
  • Solar Wind- On occasion, the sun farts; if directed toward earth, can result in a geomagnetic stench.
  • Rockfall- when outcrops shed their foliage to prepare for winter.
  • Seiche- trying to pronounce complicated words when rock hammered.
  • FEMA- actually not a hazard at all, it's the bone in the upper portion of the leg.
  • Sinkholes- can collapse without warning, disrupting dish-washing plans.
  • Fumaroles- Spanish for "papers to make cigarettes."
  • Phreatic- atic is totally innocent!
  • Focus- earthquakes happen when the planet loses this, and can't keep its shit together any longer.
  • Lateral spread- associated with sizemic risk from overeating.
  • Pummus- fossilized remains of Middle-Eastern chickpea spread. NOT edible. Trust me on this one.
  • Magma- Clint Eastwood's preferred weapon in the "Dirty Harry" movies.
  • Talker's block- frequently develops in response to volcanic eruptions in Iceland.
  • "Talker's block" should not be confused with "speech impediment," which is responding to desert with stunned silence. 
  • Tool envy- looking at your hammer, then at heavy machinery, sighing, "I want one." Will escalate to Death Star unchecked.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

#FakeElements

I've mentioned how Twitter hashtag games work before- sometimes, as with that example, they're meant to be satirical. Other times, they're just for fun. Today's was, as the title of this post suggests, #FakeElements. And the gist is exactly what it sounds like. Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

First, the ones I came up with...
  • The element of style: strunknwhitium
  • Anti-nitrogen tentatively named daytrogen.
  • Likwise, anti-hydrogen tentatively named lowdrogen.
  • The element of suspense: bungium
  • The element of surprise, booron
  • The basic unit of stupidity: bozonium
  • The smallest indivisible particle of music is auram.
  • Of course, there's always the criminal element, hoodlium.
  • Fundamental building block of modern journalism: echonium.
  • Most dangerous element: conservatonium.
  • Criminal who becomes successful comedian while in prison: sillycon.
  • Main element of bullying: tauntalum.
  • Important element of sporting events: hooraynium
  • Elemental basis for economy without currency: antimoney.
  • Element often spotted on summer porches: geranium.
  • Element of outrage: scandalum.
  • Most precioussss element: gollium
  • Element responsible for pine smell in sunshine: solfir
...then some favorite others, with attributions:
  • @TonyNoland Element found in shining armour: knightrogen
  • @TonyNoland The element orthopedic surgeons love: kneeon
  • @TonyNoland Element found in most antibiotics: healium
  • @TonyNoland Most essential element in taxidermy solutions: hiderogen
  • @UncleJago  Belgium
  • @eroston Material for sculpting heroic statues left to ruin in deserts: ozymandium.
  • @TonyNoland The key ingredient in linoleum polish: floorine
  • @DrMRFrancis The element that hogs all the electrons and doesn't bond with anything else: aynrandium
  • @DrMRFrancis The heaviest element: yomamium
  • @4ndyman Kardashium (formerly Hiltonium) is seen all over the place. It's a beautiful element to look at but serves no useful purpose.
  • @jon_e_7 #FakeElements Bury 'em: an element found mainly in the American west and Clint Eastwood dialogues
Now oddly, a game that I played both as a high school student and as a student teacher was pretty much the opposite of this. The teacher gives a list of punny descriptions, and the student is supposed to figure out what *real* elements fit the descriptions. For example, "Member of Troy's after-dark guards" would be night Trojan, or nitrogen. A member of the same city's tower watch would be a high Trojan, or hydrogen. "What doctors do with their mistakes" is bury'em, or barium- which in fact shows up above.

Either way you come at it, it's a fun game.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Know The Difference

Bif Naked
Bif, furry. Yes it's subtle, but I'm fond of both of them, so I'm obligated to know the differences. Don't know Bif Naked? Your loss.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

What is Sexy? Geology.

AW #37 has been accreted here.

This month's Accretionary Wedge topic is Sexy Geology; the deadline is tomorrow, Friday August 26, but as usual I'll add in anything I get before I post this edition, and tack on late entries for a week or two afterward. Also, Twitter has been giving me its "Sorry! We did something wrong. Try sending your Tweet again in a minute." BS since yesterday morning, which line I've now seen probably 40 or 50 times. I'd really appreciate it if a geotweep or two would tweet a link to this post.

In February of 1981, I started a student job at OSU's college of veterinary medicine, as a "glassware technician." That is, I washed the horrifically dirty dishes that are part and parcel of any medical work. Only a few months later, I was approached by the head technician in Clinical Pathology, Suzy, and was asked if I would like to work in her lab. Absidefinitely, I didn't say, but absidefinitely thought. Enough with the stinky stuff, already.

I quite liked my job upgrade, and was very fond of Suzy and her husband Gene. So I was disappointed when, in the summer of 1983, they were offered jobs at the trauma center in Lone Pine, California. I traveled with them to watch their two boys, John and Brian, while they interviewed, went house-hunting, and did the various sundry tasks associated with moving to a new town in a new state. It was my first visit to that area, and though I didn't have a lot of time for sight-seeing, what with one youngster in hand and in tow, and another mostly conked out and drooling on my shoulder, one thing you should know about Lone Pine is that pretty much any random glance that isn't directly groundward rewards with scenery that is completely bind-moggling.

So shortly afterward, Suzy and Gene moved away; I was less than happy with my new boss, who was a conservative (expletive deleted), a male chauvinist pig (to put it mildly), and while he may have been medically competent to do his job, struck me as mentally inferior to most fenceposts I've met. It was nearly a year before I found another job, but when I did, it was more appropriate to my interests, and most importantly, came with a boss and crew I could respect.

But I digress.

For spring break of 1984, Suzy and Gene invited me down to Lone Pine, sort of as a reward for helping with the munchkins the previous summer. I readily accepted, and hopped a Greyhound south. All sorts of great adventures on that trip, but the pertinent one was the day we went over to Death Valley.

A young geologist never forgets his first time.

Coming down off the Panamints, one can see the rugged geology of those mountains, but the wider view of the valley floor is mostly obscured until rounding a corner a little ways above Stovepipe Wells. Suzy was sitting in the front seat looking back at me the moment we went around that corner. As she recounted later, between gales of laughter, I leaned forward, my eyes went wide, and my jaw slowly dropped. I gasped, "Oh. My God. Look at all the naked rocks."

So all that is just lead-in to make this point: I've been a sucker for sexy geology for a long, long time, and age has done nothing to blunt that lust. On the contrary, I find THOSE urges stronger and more difficult to control than ever. I'm more practiced, less frantic, now, and more inclined toward gently and slowly working my way through a site instead of feeling like I have to bang on everything RIGHT NOW. But there is still nothing like figuring out what an outcrop wants from me, and wants to give me, to make my heart go pitter-pat, and to make me sigh blissfully in the afterglow.

So picking one example of sexy geology is something of a conundrum. Do I go for scantily-clad rocks, or the complex, deep ones? Shall I pick based on the perfection of color and complexion, or the vividness of the the story she wants to tell me? Do I want the vixen of volcanic heat or the chilly snows of deep, dark sedimentation? The tortured tales of difficult childhood and dignified recovery from a metamorphic mistress?

So hard. To choose just one, that is.

With last week's adventuring still fresh in mind, it should be no surprise I'm going to select a location from that trip. Given the ground we covered and numerous stops made, though, it's still a difficult choice. In the end though, the Pinnacles at Crater Lake National Park wins this pageant. I feel like it combines some likenesses to all three rock types, igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic, it presented us with beautiful tones even sans make-up, a gorgeous early evening lighting choice, and (at the risk of sounding like a serious perv) is barely legal from a geological perspective, at a nubile 6800 years old.
Look at that glow!
Perky!
For the evening gown segment, she arrayed herself in a stunning forest green fashion of her own design... the symmetry and self-similarity are breath-taking.
Zooming in to savor the details...
Skin tone is only skin deep, but oh what skin tone it is!
Study in contrasts.
For rocks, this complexion is perfect.
Secrets for those patient and willing to search them out.
Soft, sensuous curves flirtatiously revealed to a wooer willing to get a bit edgy...
...followed by a J.J. Abrams glamour shot.

Early evening glow.
Seductively teasing

Coyly sharing secrets...
...and a fond farewell after an early evening rendezvous.

Whew! Excuse me; I need to go wash up!

As a postlude, another story of Suzy and Gene: they met as students at U of O in Eugene. Gene had a summer job as a firewatcher, and was posted on Mount Scott for a while. That peak is the tallest in this park, and located not far from Kerr Notch, which is where Sand Creek, the stream that carved this gorge, originates. It's lower eastern flank is visible in the uppermost left of the photo captioned "Secrets for those patient and willing to search them out." Though thunderstorms are painfully rare here in the Willamette Valley, they are fairly frequent and brutally violent in the Cascades. The iron-framed bed in the watch tower rested on thick glass casters, and Gene had been advised that in the event of an electrical storm, the bed was the safest place around. Suzy, upon visiting him one weekend, and happening to be there during a serious storm, was, shall we say, less than convinced that Gene's intentions were honorable. And of course, the louder and more forcefully he insisted, the less convinced she became...

Face it: sexy geology is more straight-forward than human relations. With rocks, you can be sure they're not playing mind games, at least not on purpose.

Post Script: Almost forgot, I wanted to mention that one year our Geology Club tee-shirt was a line drawing of the Grand Canyon, showing both the layers of the horizontal Paleozoic section, and the tilted layers of the Precambrian Grand Canyon Series. Drawn by classmate and friend Michelle D., with whom I recently reconnected on Twitter, the caption was "So many beds, so little time."

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Call For Posts, Accretionary Wedge #37: Sexy Geology

AW #37 has been accreted here.

This topic came up as a result of Dana Hunter's (En Tequila Es Verdad) recent post called The Seduction of Subduction, which used sexual metaphor and puns to describe the excitement of certain geological contexts and certain kinds of rocks. After reading the post, I commented that "Sexy Geology" would make a good AW topic. Since traditionally the host suggests the topic, and conversely, the person who suggests the topic hosts the wedge, I decided to go ahead and host this one myself.

I still think "Sexy Geology" is a good topic, but I think it behooves me to describe explicitly (heh) what I do and do not mean with that description. I mean geology that makes your heart race, your pupils dilate. Rocks and exposures that make you feel woozy and warm. Structures and concepts that make your skin alternately sweaty and covered with goosebumps. Places you've visited, read about, or seen photos of that make you feel weak-kneed, and induce a pit in your stomach.

In other words, it's about sexy geology, not geologically-themed sex. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition photos that happen to have rocks in the background do not qualify unless you have something substantive to say about the rocks, and that substance is your primary focus. Scantily clad individuals of either sex will not necessarily disqualify a post, but remember that AW tries to be inclusive, and some people's threshold of offense is lower than that of others. I will use my own discretion in moderating this topic, and my decisions almost certainly will be more conservative than my own personal inclinations would dictate. If your post is in ahead of time, and I find it questionable, I will comment or e-mail with my concerns, to give you a chance to edit or defend. Does that sound fair?

I'm going to be out of town from roughly the middle of August until the early 20's, exploring sexy volcanoes and volcanic rocks in central and southeastern Oregon and perhaps a day in northernmost Nevada. I may or may not end up using material from that trip for my own post. So let's set a deadline of Friday, August 26 for this wedge, and I'll put it together over the weekend and post it Sunday or Monday. (As I usually try to do, late entries will be added as convenient for a week or two after the wedge is posted.) In the meantime, here's a post of my own from two and a half years ago to help illustrate the kind of discussion I'm aiming at: Rocks that make me feel all funny inside.

So as we sweat through the dog days of summer (at least in the northern hemisphere- participants in the south can use this opportunity to imagine unbridled heat!), This wedge gives you the opportunity to think about what might conceivably be hotter still: give us all a flash of what you think constitutes Sexy Geology!

Also, we're looking for hosts and topics for the Accretionary Wedge for October and beyond. If you have a blog- and your focus doesn't need to be primarily geology- and you think you have a good idea for a topic, leave a comment at "Who's Hosting the Next Accretionary Wedge."

Note: If and when you have a post ready to submit, please leave a comment and link either here or at the AW home page, so I can find your post when I go to put it all together.

Followup 5:09PM: Almost forgot, this post from a few days ago, at Callan's Mountain Beltway, was a third example of sexy geology I wanted to point to. Paleontology tends to get short shrift at OTI; my undergrad experience with paleo was NOT positive, and I have limited experience with the subject in real life. But if geo-types don't make a strong claim for it, the bio-types are going to try to snatch it from us. It needs to be shared, and I think this post has some particularly sexy fossils. And of course, Callan being Callan, sexy structures are almost always on his mind. I saw a press release once saying there's research claiming Callan is thinking about sexy structures on average every 7 to 8 seconds. As with most press releases, I suspect this one is total BS. I happen to know he thinks about the topic much more frequently than that.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!

(FilmCritic.com.au; click for full size) May the fourth be with you!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Geopunnery

Evelyn at Georneys is hosting a book contest: you can win a copy of the recent book by Gillian Turner called "North Pole South Pole: The Epic Quest to Solve the Great Mystery of Earth’s Magnetism" by submitting your most side splitting, eye wincing, mind rending geology pun. I linked to a somewhat obscure mineral pun I devised a couple of years ago as a place holder, but it was not intended to be an actual submission. The comments have been pretty busy, but I wanted to come up with something original. The result actually takes me a while- I want to try to craft it into a relatively short set-up, and order everything for best comic effect. Here's my final submission:
A stone mason with a powerful phobia of indoor lighting was accused of misrepresenting the "black granite" he used in a counter top. He was charged with basalt, but when his condition came to light, the charges were dismissed due to lamprophyre.
Geologists have a perennial gripe with the phrase "black granite," which is like a furry fish: there ain't no such thing. "Charged with basalt" seems obvious, but I don't think I've ever heard this pun before. And I got a giggle out of "lamprophyre" interpreted as a phobia of indoor lighting. Lamprophyres are weird, obscure rocks that no normal person would ever need to know about, therefore, I'm very fond of them. My favorite was an outcrop near the eastern end of lake Nipissing in Ontario with awesome veins of barite, which has sadly been mostly obliterated by road construction.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Today in Stupid

Which does Faux News not get: plate tectonics or geography? (Hint: I'm betting on both.) Hullabaloo
This Bunsen Boehner looks suspiciously like that other guy: (image above and awful pun mine)SwansonTea: F*@&ing Bill O’Reilly — How Does He Work?
As long as there is one thing that science can’t explain (or he doesn’t understand), all is well with his world. It’s amazing to me that this argument makes sense to him.
EB Misfit points out that the designers of this logo have the Wright brothers the first to fly a heavier-than-air craft... backwards. Whether this bodes poorly for the competition remains to be seen.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Sometimes I Wish My Mind Would Shut Up

Source photo from a story at OregonLive.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Punny Nose

Every now and then, my nose taps into quantities of... fluid... that are unimaginably enormous. I swear, I don't consume enough liquids and solids to account for the quantities of... stuff... that pour from my face. Seriously, it feels like a contradiction of the conservation of mass. I don't feel sick; I suspect it's just allergies. Still, when the constant wiping has worn the skin to the point it's starting to feel scabby, I'm just miserable. This has been going on since New Year's eve, and it is, at this point, officially old. I still try to find some humor in it; that's just my way of dealing with things that annoy me. Without further ado, here are some of my favorite comments about this frakking Oceanus Nasalus:
  • Old Faceful is in full eruptive mode;
  • It's the Energizer Runny: it just keeps going, and going, and going;
  • It may look like water, but it'snot.
It's been clear and cold since last Wedneday, but today we're having a light drizzle. I'm hoping that whatever is in the air gets washed out. My face hurts.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Grammar Matters

Some of the geotweeps were bemoaning the misuse of homonyms like two, too and to, or your vs. you're, yesterday. So I decided to try to console them...

There, they're, their, it's all write now.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Schist Happens

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks. I'm glad it's almost over. My feline overlord has been having seizures- at least two I've seen, and a couple more that can be inferred. Internet problems. Blarg.
funny puns-Schist Happens
see more So Much Pun

Life. Don't talk to me about life. Talk to me about rocks.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

What Happens When You Fall Behind on Your Exorcism Payments?

You get repossessed. But seriously folks, do atheists, agnostics or even non-Catholic Christians ever get possessed? Because the Roman Catholic Clergy seem to think it's a pressing issue.
“What they’re trying to do in restoring exorcisms,” said Dr. Appleby, a longtime observer of the bishops, “is to strengthen and enhance what seems to be lost in the church, which is the sense that the church is not like any other institution. It is supernatural, and the key players in that are the hierarchy and the priests who can be given the faculties of exorcism.
So there you have it: the church is supernatural. And Christine McDonnell is a witch. Maybe they should get together.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Word Games


In contrast to head games, with which I have no patience, I really enjoy word games. There was a game credited to the Washington Post, which pops onto my radar from time to time that involved adding, dropping, or changing one letter in a preexisting word, then defining your new word. The list, which has been around for at least a few years, can be found here. Some of my favorites:
  • Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
  • Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  • Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  • Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Another geo-tweep brought this back to my attention today- always good for a laugh. But this time, I was able to come up with my own: Porkelain: Ceramic ham. Speaking of which, "I am President, and I am holding this ham."

Monday, October 18, 2010

Who Says Science Isn't Fun?

funny puns-The Base is Under A Salt
see more So Much Pun. Ahhh, science puns, the world would be so much emptier without you.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Sometimes, One NEEDS To Be A Grammar Nazi

A certain female Facebook friend was rooting for OSU's unfortunately named team.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Parkas Rule

THIS! IS! PARKA! (silly pun for @morphosaurus, from Alaska in Pictures)

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Procession of Wedges

Matt (who I shall continue to think of as Pascal for some time, I'm afraid) at Research at a Snail's Pace has put up a call for posts for Accretionary Wedge #28: Favorite Desk Crops. Quoth he:
October's theme is going to be "Desk-crops." This can be any rock or other geological* specimen that you have lying around your office/desk/lab that has a story to tell. The spookier the better. Photos and/or illustrations are very important (although not absolutely required).

*in this case, "geological" applies to any "earth material" that either directly, or indirectly came from the earth. Lithified, or unlithified samples count. Artificial gems/minerals count, as do biological specimens that are directly or indirectly connected to an "earth science" message are also fine, heck a REE graph or spectrogram of some stuff is okay, too. But big, beautiful landscape photos of entire cliffs and bluff faces don't count -unless you have a mountain in your office. This might be okay if your office is on a cliff, I guess. Provenance photos alongside deskcrops are also good.
Now of course this does not mean you missed AW #27- the deadline for that one is a week from this coming Monday, September 27. In case it's slipped your mind, the theme for the proximal wedge is "Important Geological Experiences," and while we have a few great submissions, we need more to establish a respectable allochthon.

The exciting part of this whole thing is that for the first time in my memory- perhaps ever- we have two suspect terranes simultaneously sliding toward accretion. The thick, lithophilic crust of the geoblogosphere grows ever more robust...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thorsday

Sadly, there's not a day named after Loki... he was always my favorite. From here.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Miscellaneous Amusements

Some stuff that has amused me and entertained me in recent days has been piling up, and I finally have time to throw it together into some sort of online slumgullion.What Would Jack Do?
Sofa Pizza, and from the same post:
WASHINGTON – In what might be the most serious challenge to Barack Obama’s legitimacy as President, a new poll shows that one out of five Americans are not convinced that Mr. Obama exists.
(The Borowitz Report)
I love optical illusions. This is another where if you can hold your eye fixed on a particular point, nothing seems to be wrong. But if you allow your gaze to wander naturally, the apparent motion is downright freaky. FuckYeahAlbuquerque
Darius Whiteplume's Tumblr. Now look, we don't want kids to realize this. The fact that they don't is the only reason the human race still exists.
Darius Whiteplume's Tumblr, posted with the note, "Michael Ian Black Goes After a Racist Obama-Hater During his Set." I have mixed feelings; speaking truth to power is dangerous, but worthwhile. Speaking truth to "fucking idiots" may not be as consistently dangerous, but I'm afraid it's pretty pointless most of the time. Idiots, by their nature, cannot comprehend that they're idiots.
Pop culture ore deposits and where to find them. Blackadder
I may or may not have anything more to say about this travesty later. I've been waiting to see how it unfolds. So far, pretty much what I expected. (Clay Bennett, from The Chattanooga Times Free Press)
The Daily What... I find it seriously troubling that I can find young women slightly older than a third of my age so appealing.
EpicPonyz... will this become a regular Thursday post? I have regular posts for Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. There's no particular reason to have one for the other three days, but no reason not to. And I've loved Norse mythology since about second grade. We'll see.