CSC's Get Laid More Than You

Christian social conservatives- you know, those folks who who tell you that genitalia of any kind are Santa's Satan's cure for idle hands foremost temptations to damnation- sure get lucky a lot. EB Misfit has some appropriately snarky reporting on two scandals I hadn't heard of yet. The first is an evangelist convicted of taking minors across state lines... 10 counts, no less... for sex. Then there's a state senator who admits having an affair with an intern despite being married with kids, and pushing abstinence only. Now in the first case, he's been convicted, and is certainly facing some serious consequences. In the second case... meh, not so much.
Whip out the Right God, and before you know it, that nasty stink will be gone, and everything will be fresh as new!

The first also reminds me of a joke (pun warning) that is the longest pun (Pun Warning!) I've ever heard- that is, more words in the punchline have double meanings (PUN WARNING!) than any other I know of. (I'M NOT KIDDING! PUN AHEAD!)

A researcher had discovered how to keep porpoises alive forever; all he had to do was feed them seabirds. While conducting his studies, he kept the subjects in pool hidden behind a tall hedge, and accessible only through a locked gate. One day, when returning from the shore with a burlap bag full of birds on his back, he confronted an old, worn out lion laying right in front of the gate, head down on the ground, apparently asleep or dead. As he slowly approached, he noticed one eye slowly open and look at him; he halted, and the eye slowly closed. Gingerly, he walked up to the gate, leaned over the lion, and unlocked it. He slowly and carefully stepped cross the lion, and walked toward the pool.

Just then, a swat team burst out of the surrounding hedge, and arrested him.

What were the charges?

LAST WARNING! Dangerous Punnage Ahead!

Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.

No, in fact, I'm not sorry for this one. I warned you as best as I could.