These Are Mine, But You Can Have Them

My last few posts have been too serious; time to lighten up a bit. These are a few puns that I have personally invented and personally enjoy. I use them here at my favorite coffee shop from time to time.

Me (holding up a bagel at the counter): What kind of bagel is this?
Barrista: Umm, herb and cheese.
Me (sliding it under another bagel): Do you know what kind it is now?
Barrista: Umm....
Me: Suburban cheese.

Yark! Yark! Yark!
Sorry...
Ok, Ok, not really

Me: Didja hear about the farmer whose tractor left him?
Barrista: Umm....
Me: He got a John Deere Letter.

See? Isn't this fun?

Me: When George and Laura have sex, who's on top?
Barrista: Christ, Lockwood! That's gross! Would you please just go away?
Me: Laura is always on top. You know why?
Barrista: I don't even want to picture this...
Me: Because there's no one on the planet who can fuck up like George.

You're welcome to them. Didn't say I was proud of them, just that I enjoyed them.